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摘要
摘要
There is a group of unrecognized victims whose number is very great. They often do not seek the help they need because they don't recognize they suffer from a problem for which there is a solution. These are the children of narcissistic parents.
评论 (2)
Kirkus评论
A sober study by a clinical psychologist of the destructive legacy that narcissistic parents bequeath to their children and the troubling characteristics those children share as adults. Narcissists behave, Golomb says, as if they are the center of the universe, organizing their lives around denial of negative feelings about themselves. Their children, forced to conform to parental thinking, grow up with a range of subtle emotional disabilities, most commonly a distorted view of their capacities. All too frequently this damaged sense of self-worth interferes with their search for autonomy, their performance, and with their other adult relationships. Golomb, child of a narcissistic father, gives examples from the lives of friends and patients, as well as from her own experiences, and shows how these strained views of reality can be passed along from one generation to the next or can shadow an entire family's happiness. She is particularly adept in discussing why some people persist in the most puzzling behaviors (bankrolling one lover after another, for example) and how they see and defend these patterns. Although Golomb has experimented with meditation techniques and group treatment, she finds psychoanalytic psychotherapy the most consistently helpful set of strategies and suggests ways for adults to approach narcissistic parents and to change the nature of these relationships. ``Narcissism is a tale of codependency,'' she observes. ``If we want to be treated in a different way, the change in treatment must start with how we present ourselves to [narcissists].'' Golomb writes in language more accessible to other therapists than to general readers, unleavened by humor, and without a specific agenda. But difficult as her approach may be, it's sound and ultimately rewarding as well.
《图书馆杂志》(Library Journal )书评
It seems reasonable to expect self-help books to accomplish one of three goals: to explain behavior, to assist readers to develop their potential or to change unwanted behavior patterns, or to motivate readers. This book fails on all three counts. People who may be attracted to the concept have probably already realized that their relationship with a self-absorbed parent has caused problems, and they will not learn much else. The suggestions for change are too general to be useful, and the tone is at times spiteful and depressing. Susan Forward and Buck Craig's Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life (Bantam, 1989) covers the same topic in a more positive and helpful fashion. Not recommended.-- Mary Ann Hughes, Washington State Univ. Libs., Pullman (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.
目录
| Introduction | p. 11 |
| 1. How to Recognize a Narcissist and Narcissism | p. 17 |
| 2. Who Is the Adult Child of a Narcissist? | p. 25 |
| 3. They Make You Conform to Their Will, Even in Your Thinking | p. 35 |
| 4. Anne and the Invisible Force | p. 45 |
| 5. Suicidal Urges: John | p. 55 |
| 6. Attraction to Narcissistic Mates by Children of Narcissists: Delores | p. 71 |
| 7. No Right to Live If You Cannot Love: How a Narcissist Put His Inability to Love onto His Child | p. 91 |
| 8. The Destructive Inner Parent: Victoria | p. 97 |
| 9. A Life Devoid of Motivation: Nick | p. 111 |
| 10. The Child of a Narcissist Who Becomes a Narcissist: Alan | p. 119 |
| 11. Addictive Behavior in Children of Narcissists: Marie, Fat Is Dead--Obesity as a Protective Device | p. 131 |
| 12. Raising a Child to Fulfill the Narcissistic Parent's Heroic Image: Mark, Unable to Respond to His Child's Dependency Needs, Requires the Child to Be Heroic | p. 141 |
| 13. Changing from Weakness into Strength: How to Develop a Real Sense of Self | p. 147 |
| 14. How to Find and Heal Your Self | p. 169 |
| 15. What Do We Call Love? Where and How Do We Seek It? | p. 189 |
| 16. People in Stages of Self-Development | p. 197 |
| 17. Learning to Relate to the Narcissistic Parent: The Way It Is and How It Can Be Improved | p. 223 |
| 18. Sending Home the Negative Introject | p. 241 |
| Epilogue | p. 261 |
| Index | p. 265 |